My aged Uncle Mort admitted the other day that he feels like it’s time for him to re-enter the stock market, and this time, “brimming with confidence.”

   He swore off trying to out-guess the market in the late 1990s.

   Mort said he lumped all of his investments into “sweet chariot stocks.” I’d never heard of such, but his next sentence clarified: “When I bought ’em, they swung low,” he cackled….

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   He feels certain that wide-brimmed hats for ladies are going to make a comeback after several decades in storage, with owners hoping to live long enough to see them make a comeback.

   Many after-the-fact comments about the recent presidential inauguration concern Melania Trump’s hat, nearly as big as a covered

wagon wheel and ample space to carve a turkey.

   “Lots of women are on shopping sprees right now, trying to find hats like hers,” Mort said. “And they’re not finding available at the Dollar Store.”…

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   It appears to me that her hat provided a personal “border wall,” allowing “cheek pecks” to reach within two inches of intended targets. I’m not sure how she’d make it flying coach on today’s airliners. (Duh, she wouldn’t be flying coach.) I guess she could take a middle seat, then buy seats on each side so she could leave her hat on.

   The subject reminds me of my ingenious uncle who, as a lad, was usher at the local movie house. This was in the 1920s, before “talkies.” All they had were jumpy figures with captions.

   He said the manager staged a contest among the ushers to see how the problem of women wearing huge hats could somehow be persuaded to remove them so folks behind them could see the screen….

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   Mort was creative even then. He made a printed sign and placed it at

the entrance.

   It read: “Ladies over age 40 need not remove their hats.”

   Problem solved; Mort won the contest….

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   Meanwhile, President 47 took time from signing executive orders to decree that the Gulf of Mexico will henceforth be named “Gulf of America.”

   Such may have occurred to other folks, but I’ve never heard it mentioned. The decree begs numerous questions. First of all, who named it, and when? How much of the gulf is owned by the USofA? Finally, is it really a gulf?

   Cursory research reveals that the gulf had no name until the 1540s, when most maps and documents referred to it as the “Golfo de Nueva Espanol,” from Greek mythology and its Sea of Atlas….

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   People who know far more than I about such say that it is not really a gulf, but more nearly a sea, in many cases larger than bodies of water that are called oceans and seas.

   I dunno, but Mort might want to consider investing in map-making and/or t-shirt lettering.

   Presses already are rolling….

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   “Loyalty” was a word frequently heard during the recent inauguration, and likely in all the ones before it. It’s a trait to be

valued, but few have seen evidence “up close” to match Dr. Charles Wade’s recollection. He was pastor of Arlington First Baptist Church for 23 years until 1999, when he became Executive Director of the Baptist General Convention.

   In Arlington, he succeeded Dr. Henard E. East, on staff there for 53 years. Someone asked him about loyalty to Dr. Wade.

   “Let me put it this way,” he said. “If Dr. Wade decides to paint the steeple pink, I’ll climb up there with him and hold the bucket.”…

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