There is a lyric in a song from the old television show Hee Haw that I tend to blurt out on occasion. It’s likely many of you reading this column have never seen or heard of the show Hee Haw, but at one time, it was the most popular variety show on television. It featured country music and foolhardy humor with the fictional rural ‘Kornfield Kounty” as the backdrop. It aired from 1969 to 1993; I can only imagine what those born after 1993 would think about such a “korny” show today.
A bunch of hillbillies picking on banjos and doing sketches with slaphappy characters may have a hard time competing with reality TV.
It was goofy, but it was clean, and the music was as good as it gets. Conway Twitty, Johnny Cash, Geoge Jones, Merle Haggard, Dolly Parton and even Garth Brooks showed up at “Kornfield Kounty” to perform.
In one of their skits on Hee Haw, four people holding jugs of moonshine and dressed in overalls sing a song about how terrible their life is.
Gloom, despair, and agony on me-e!
Deep dark depression, excessive misery-y!
If it weren’t for bad luck, I’d have no luck at all!
Gloom, despair, and agony on me-e-e!
I bet a few of you are singing this song out loud right now!
Of course, the skit was all in jest, but I have occasionally referred to one lyric when things are not going my way.
If it weren’t for bad luck, I’d have no luck at all!
Just the other day I got out of bed in the middle of the night and stepped directly on my dog Cash’s chew toy. It must be made of kryptonite because it is hard, and Cash has whittled the edges into knife – like spikes.
I howled. I almost think he placed it there on purpose.
The reason I got out of bed was because the house was hot, and I went to turn down the air.
I flipped all the right switches on the thermostat, only to realize my air conditioner was not working. Just FYI, my dishwasher started leaking a few days earlier. I was on a roll!
Luckily it was cool outside, low eighties, so I opened a few windows and fired up the box fans.
Did I mention I cracked a windowpane in the process?
Climbing back in bed, with my foot throbbing and the warm air circulating, I blurted out my Hee Haw song.
If it weren’t for bad luck, I’d have no luck at all!
I woke up the next morning to a text from my neighbor stating that a large branch had snapped off a tree in my backyard and landed on one of their cars.
I sang again, If it weren’t for bad luck, I’d have no luck at all!
My neighbor was great about it, I got it cleaned up, sore foot and all.
Walking back over to my house, I rolled my ankle in a hole and almost went to the ground. I was able to catch myself by grabbing the fence, and in turn getting a handful of splinters.
I felt like I was being pranked by God.
I walked into my house and decided to have a party, a pity party. I sat down on my couch and began to feel sorry for myself. Poor ole Todd Howey is having a run of bad luck. Cash was the only one who attended my pity party, and he didn’t care.
I flipped on my television and a man born with no arms was shooting a bow and arrow at the Paralympics. It was amazing. I continued to watch, and I was humbled by what I saw.
He was an American, Matt Stutzman, and he won the Gold Medal. I googled him, and his story is awe-inspiring. No pity party for him, he’s busy winning gold for the USA.
My pity party ended immediately. My little run of bad luck is nothing compared to the lifelong challenges so many others must endure.
I can blurt out my Hee Haw lyrics all I want, but I do know in my heart that song is a lie. With my good fortune, family, friends and my dog Cash, I am the luckiest man in the world. At least that is how I see it, and I don’t plan to ever forget it.
“I look at myself as the luckiest man alive.”
– Mario Andretti
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Todd Howey is a columnist for BrownwoodNews.com whose articles appear on Fridays. Email comments to [email protected].