I was thumbing through a shoebox of pictures last week and I came across a picture of myself from my baseball playing days. I was about twenty-two years old at the time of the photo. I turned sixty last November, so it’s been a while.

I was wearing a baseball uniform and holding a baseball bat on my shoulder. The bat weighed more than me, I looked like a stick man.

I had thick, curly brown hair crammed underneath my hat, tanned skin, bright eyes, zero body fat, and a glimpse of cockiness in my grin.

I thought I was pretty cool back in the day.

I laughed and said to myself, “Well, that used to be me.”

Then I thought, well, if that used to be me, then who am I now?

I have mentioned in this column before that I have not particularly enjoyed turning sixty years old. The best part is that I have made it this far reasonably healthy, and for that I am profoundly grateful. A lot of folks are not so lucky.

God has certainly shown me favor, but why? I have no clue. I’m no more important to God than the next guy. So yes, I’m lucky…and very thankful. I’ve nothing to complain about.

The picture in that shoebox was the guy I used to be. I used to have thick, curly brown hair, zero body fat, and eyes that were clear and focused.

Today my hair is gray with age, and my hairline is headed for the southern border with no plans of returning. I have more than enough body fat to keep me warm in the winter, and my once clear bright eyes can’t read a menu in a well-lit restaurant today.

Don’t even get me started on my hearing. “I’m sorry, can you repeat that?” might as well be my middle name.

That cockiness I used to have has gradually turned into a quiet, internal confidence and hope for the future. Only living life can teach you how that evolves.

There are a lot of things I used to be, and most of them I am glad are gone. I am no longer that skinny kid in many ways, and I am thankful for that.

I used to really care what people thought about me. Today, not so much. But to say that I don’t care what people think about me would be a lie. I do care, just not enough for it to make any difference in my life and keep me from being the person I want to be.

It would bother me if people thought I was dishonest, ungrateful, or rude. But I’m not, so if others feel that way about me, then there is not much I can do about it, so I move on without holding a grudge.

I used to care about proving my point, making sure people knew my side of the story. Today, I don’t. The older I get, the less I care about always being right. I simply don’t have the energy, or the desire, to make sure others see it my way.

I used to worry constantly if things were going to work out. Today, I have figured out that worrying only steals joy and there isn’t much you can do about anything to begin with.

Mark Twain put it this way, “Worrying is like paying a debt you don’t owe.”

I used to compare myself to others, trying to keep track of whether or not I was keeping up. Now, I only compare the man I am today to the man I was a year ago.

I know it may sound cliche, but I try to just do the best I can. Everything surrounding that effort is white noise because I can only control myself.

Many of the things I used to be I am no longer because a transformation has taken place. Obviously, my body had transformed physically from a walking scarecrow to a well-fed old man. But also, a transformation has taken place within me spiritually and emotionally. Although I am nowhere close to what I used to be physically, I am much stronger spiritually and emotionally.

We are all tougher than we think. You can handle it.

I am whittling my life down like a pocket knife on a stick. Scraping away the excess so I can discover more of the good stuff life has to offer.

No doubt that skinny kid holding that bat was in his glory days, but only as a baseball player. Today, my glory days have changed for the better. Watching my children flourish and taking my grandkids fishing for bluegill and a ride on the tractor is all the glory I need.

That beats all.

I’ve learned a few things about life and trusting God. The longer I live the more things I used to be, and the fewer things I want to become.

I’m finally getting it figured out …. sort of.

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Todd Howey is a columnist for BrownwoodNews.com whose articles appear on Fridays. Email comments to [email protected].