I will never forget one Christmas many years ago when my sister and two brothers, along with our spouses, were exchanging and opening gifts. None of us had any kids at the time, today there are 12 children out of that group, including 15 grandchildren and growing!

We drew names from a hat the month before during the Thanksgiving break so we would have time to shop before we got back together for Christmas.

As we began to handout and open gifts from one another, it became obvious to me that there was no gift under the tree for me. I was left out, forgotten, “Charlie Browned” if you will.

After everyone had opened their gift and thanked the person that bought it, I did want any secure and mature man that understood the true meaning of Christmas would do, I blurted out, “Hey, what about me?”

As soon as those words rolled off my lips, a tremendous sense of guilt came over me. I heard a little voice in my head say, “Wow, you understand what Christmas is about, don’t you?”

I became instantly ashamed of my attitude. Instead of enjoying what others were getting, I was upset that I did not get anything in return.

I did not get my toy, and I was not happy about it. I can understand a child acting like that, but a 23-year-old man, not so much.

Once I verbally expressed my immense immaturity, an uncomfortable silenced squelched the festive mood. We all just sat there looking at each other. It was awkward because I made that moment about me.

Come to find out the person that had drawn my name thought their spouse had picked something up, and my childish reaction made them both feel really bad. They apologized profusely and offered me money. Forty dollars to be exact because that was our limit. Of course, being the giant of a man that I was, I acted like it was not a big deal, then gladly took the cash anyway!

I turned 59 last month and I would like to think I have a better idea of what is truly important in life. I know this is going to sound mundane and routine, especially this time of the year, but it is all about giving. Not necessarily a material gift, but giving a gift of friendship, words of encouragement, forgiveness, time, or whatever else you want to give to another.

You can be a gift to others without spending a dime.

There is no doubt you are going to receive some gifts this year, just try and out give what you get. I rarely do. I learned I was a good giver only when I was getting something in return. That is not unconditional giving, that type of giving has strings attached. Nothing special about it and not hard to do.

Going around the room with our prehistoric video camera on Christmas Eve 1992, I asked each family member what they wanted for Christmas. When I got to my mom, who was whittling away due to terminal cancer, she flashed a smile and said with enthusiasm, “One more year!”

Unfortunately, she did not get what she asked for. My mother died a few months later at the age of 58, I am 59 as I type.

What seemed old and far away back then is staring me right in the face today. I have  outlived my mom, as have all my siblings, and that is mindboggling for me to grasp at times. When I think about everything she has missed out on, it makes me sad. Life is short.

We are given a small number of Christmas’s here on earth. Only about 77 on average according to the official numbers. I am more halfway there, and that’s a  heavy thought.

On Christmas, hope was born. How you decide to live out that hope is no business of mine as long as it is based out of love. We each need to seek our purpose with God in our own personal way.

I truly don’t need much, but I still want a bunch of things. I know everything under the tree Christmas morning is wants, not needs. I mean when was the last time you really needed a bottle of after shave.

Wants I can live without; needs I cannot.

So, I think I will keep it simple from here on out and focus on needs. I am a man in need of a Savior, so this baby being born in a manger thing has been a good deal for me. Also, I need what my mom needed, good health and one more year. Can you think of any better gift than that?

God has given me all I need, everything else is gravy.

Merry Christmas.

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Todd Howey is a columnist for BrownwoodNews.com whose articles will appear on Fridays.