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Hey John,

My husband, three daughters and I live in a fairly small house. A month ago, when I got home from grocery shopping, I found his unemployed brother, his dysfunctional girlfriend and their five month old baby moving into our house. When I called him at his job to ask what was going on, he told me he had to make an “emergency decision”, and didn’t have time to talk to me first. He said his brother had just gotten evicted from their trailer, and didn’t have anywhere to go. Now here we are, a month later and we are paying 100% of the bills, including food. Also, the older of my girls is really angry about this miserable living arrangement and wants to move out into a friend’s house. The only positive thing going on is that my brother in law just got a job with pretty good pay. What’s your take on this mess?

Steamin’ In Cold Country

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Dear Steamin’Freemen,

Your husband was “inconsiderate” to not discuss this with you. I have other adjectives to describe such knuckleheadedness that may not print in a newspaper. It shows either major disrespect for his wife, or simply the common sense of an armadillo on the highway. It’s possible that he really needed to temporarily save his brother, but there are better ways to have brought it about. Showing the proper sympathy and concern to your frustrated daughter may help to settle her down a little. The key note here is that the brother has found a decent job. You may wish to be extra charitable in volunteering some effort in helping them find housing. Even if they start with a small apartment, they can later move into a house that they can afford. You and your husband need to agree on a time limit for them to move out, and stick with it. By having a reasonably short time limit (two weeks to a month), you can give your daughter hope for her immediate future. I agree with the premise we need to be extra helpful to family. However, there are different levels of family to be served. My wife and children always come first.

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John Sommer has been a therapist since 1977 and has been providing counseling services at his Brownwood facility since 1987. John specializes in assisting clients with a wide range problem areas such as child and adult issues, family, social and emotional issues in juveniles, relationships, and depression. He also works with non-problem areas including prenuptial counseling, marriage enhancement and assertive training. To submit questions for “Hey John” please email: [email protected]

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