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Hey John,

I’ve got an issue with my boyfriend, and I’m not sure if it’s me being too worried, or him not doing me right. The other day he was in the shower and his phone went off. His Mom has been sick, so I looked to see if it was her. Instead it was his ex-girlfriend texting him a sexy message. John, we’ve been together for over two years, and it seems like they should be done with each other. I started to look through his other messages, and there were a bunch of sexy conversations with different people. He was being equally nasty back, and even suggesting sex stuff that he hasn’t wanted to do with me. When I confronted him, he got mad at me for snooping through his private stuff. He said he was just having fun “talking trashy” with other girls, and  he hadn’t done anything wrong. When I told him I feel like he was cheating on me, he said I was over reacting. Was I?

Sad Girl

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Dear Ms. Sad,

There is a difference between trying to fix a goonball husband and a goonball boyfriend. The former is presumably worth the effort to educate and demand change in order to fix an injured marriage. The latter is potentially more difficult. Considering the sad fact that some people are on their best behavior in the early days of their relationship (as foolish as that is), boyfriend-for-two-years is already a couple of brewskies short of a six pack. I would be less than enthusiastic about future proper behavior of a boy/girlfriend who is, at the very least, unbelievably insensitive about taking good care of his mate early in the relationship. Rather than being embarrassed and apologetic about his nasty behavior, he blames you for being too sensitive? Sheesh. Do you hear sirens blaring and red lights flashing? Me too. You wishing for a change of behavior obviously doesn’t mean it’s going to happen. It’s time to punt. If he’s upset, tell him to come to Texas and run for the U.S. House of Representatives. He can replace Joe Barton’s spot. He’ll fit right in.

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John Sommer has been a therapist since 1977 and has been providing counseling services at his Brownwood facility since 1987. John specializes in assisting clients with a wide range problem areas such as child and adult issues, family, social and emotional issues in juveniles, relationships, and depression. He also works with non-problem areas including prenuptial counseling, marriage enhancement and assertive training. To submit questions for “Hey John” please email: [email protected]

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